Why it's okay to come home early from your mission

In my MTC district, I was the momma bear of our group. If a missionary was feeling homesick I would give them the biggest pep talk of their life. If I saw a sister missionary crying in the residence halls before bed I would be the first to hand her a tissue and reassure her that she was right where she was supposed to be.

But then two transfers into my mission I came home and suddenly I was the one in need of a pep talk and a box of tissues.  

Although living in Utah has allowed me to be surrounded by a lot of positive peer pressure, the saturation of Mormon culture here has made it especially difficult to live as a non-traditional RM in that I’m constantly reminded of my mission.

I would find myself holding back tears while waiting in the SLC airport as I heard families scream to welcome home their missionary while holding signs that read “Mission Accomplished”. Sitting through a farewell or homecoming address felt like torture and, for a long time, I avoided talking about my mission at all costs. I often wondered what the point of me even serving was because I felt I had lost more than gained by going.

But something I’ve realized is that as humans we tend to see things in a linear perspective-- meaning everything has a beginning and an end. In reality, my mission began the day I gained my testimony or the first time I bore it to a friend. The plan that God has for us is infinite in every sense of the word. The opportunity to be a full-time representative of Christ is no exception to that. If anything, missions create the foundation for us to be missionaries for the rest of our lives.

The real test of being a missionary comes after you have been released. It comes after the highly anticipated airport hug or the big bad homecoming talk. It comes when you no longer have a companion to watch your every move or a zone leader or STL to catch you when you slip up. It comes when that foundation is put to the test.

But the fact remains that any mission served is a mission regardless of the time the missionary spent wearing that black name tag. Heavenly Father teaches us in the scriptures that the morning workers were paid just as much as the afternoon workers; not because of their hours clocked in, but because of the sacrifice both were willing to make to show up to work. Any missionary who begins their mission with the pure intent of making that sacrifice in his or her life has already grasped one of the most important lessons there is to learn: which is to serve others.

We may never understand in this life why things are the way that they are, but if we have our trajectories pointed towards Christ and trust the Lord and His timing and trust that by living the Gospel we will be happy, we will find happiness in simply trying.

The depth of understanding I’ve gained about this gospel as of late has come as a direct result of coming home early.  There are lessons I’ve learned that I would have never been able to learn had I stayed out in the field. Our hopes, desires, and expectations of how our lives will turn out will never fully match up to the blueprint of the plan that Heaven has for us and that’s because His plan for me, and His plan for you are greater than anything either of us could've ever imagined for ourselves. 

Farewell!

Today, in addition to speaking about how I’ve been preparing to serve my mission, I will also be speaking on Marriage & Family. In all honesty, I was not very excited to have this topic assigned to me simply because I don’t feel I have the strongest testimony of eternal families—or at least I didn’t until I started writing this talk. In my mission prep class up at the University of Utah this year, whenever we would role-play missionary discussions about eternal families I would draw a blank every single time. Similarly, the other day one of my friends asked me what I would do if when I was a missionary I saw a family in a park and had only 30 seconds to give an elevator pitch, if you will, on eternal families. And I froze. I genuinely had no idea what I was going to say and seeing that I’m 10 days away from my MTC report date, that really concerned me. So, I’ve really had to reflect and refine my testimony of families so that when I’m a missionary, I’ll know how to formulate my thoughts. Just last week I called Dan Webster and basically tried to get out of speaking about this topic, but truth be told I’m actually really grateful for this opportunity to figure out my pitch. 

So simply put, like most people here, my family life has not been a cakewalk. I was raised by a same-sex couple and grew up watching the world react to that, I’ve had three different step-moms and have had to adjust to the families that come along with them, and most recently, my decision to serve a mission has not made everyone in my family happy.

As Latter-Day Saints, we put such a focus on families and how instrumental they are in living the Gospel and because of my circumstances that made it really hard for me to gain a testimony.  The Proclamation of the Family reads that, as mormons we “solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” In addition to speaking about marriage, it goes on to say that, “happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ”.

Growing up, I attended church with one of my young women leaders who is now my best friend and is actually here today! But point being I did not go with my family. I can remember sitting in Sunday school reading this proclamation and feeling really sad and angry and confused all at the same time. I didn’t ever want to let myself believe that the gospel was true simply because my family life was not in harmony with what’s established in the Proclamation. I never thought I would gain a testimony of it, much less be preparing to proselyte for 18 months about it.

Having been raised by my mom and her wife, my decision to serve was extremely hard for me to make in that I knew I would be proselytizing for a religion that proclaimed marriage between a man and woman. Because of this, I seemed to live the Gospel quietly growing up so, in a sense, choosing to go on a mission has been the loudest thing I’ve done with my testimony so far. When I initially solidified my decision to serve a mission, I felt a new sense of confidence. For the first time, I felt just as unapologetic and proud about my testimony and lifestyle as I had felt about being raised the family I was raised in.

 It’s been really important to constantly remind myself that the Proclamation of the Family is an ideal that God has given us to strive for. He knows that not every family is cookie-cutter perfect--in fact no family is cookie-cutter perfect-- but when we try to strive for that, that is when The Plan of Happiness unfolds in our lives.

What I’ve found to be true more than anything else is that having love in everything with do is the answer to reconciling the trials that come from families. President Dieter Utchdorf once said, quote, “Because love is the great commandment, it ought o be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love should be our walk and our talk.” He goes on to say, “when we truly understand what it means to love as Jesus Christ loves us, the confusion clears and our priorities align. Our walk as Disciples of Christ becomes more joyful. Our lives take on new meaning.” Close quote.

Sometimes it’s easy to think that because we are making better gospel-orientated decisions we are better. But that’s not that case. We may feel better-off because we know of the healing power of the atonement and because we are a covenant people but that is just all the more reason to share His gift and bring others unto Christ just as we are trying every day to bring ourselves unto Christ. In my own life, I often forget to try to make love the motive behind everything I do. But when we love our families and friends as Christ would and choose not to be judgmental but helpful, selective but unconditional, and accepting and forgiving, it makes it that much easier to live the Gospel and have faith in Christ. After all, we are disciples of Jesus Christ! He loved unconditionally better than anyone else. It is our duty to defend and testify of Him. In my opinion, the best way of doing that is by being an example of his light and love by loving others just as He would. At the end the day, we are all sharing the same world--God’s world. So let God know how you feel about Him through your actions. But better yet, show God how you feel about him through your actions towards others. 

Just as we choose how to respond to trials in our life, we choose how we react to our family situations and how we’re going to do our part to try to make it work. When it comes to families, everything else truly does pale in comparison.

Due to medical reasons, my papers were delayed 6 months back in March, preventing me from receiving my call until about a month ago. It was a very trying and hard time for me as I was constantly changing my decision on whether or not I wanted to go on a mission. Looking back, a lot of motivation behind solidifying my decision came from thinking about my future family and how a mission would help me prepare to be a better future member of my family. I ended up having to submit my papers three different times but I knew that staying the course-- even when it was the last thing I wanted to do at times –is making that future family in heaven proud and could someday even be an example of perseverance and faith to them.

Something really profound that I’ve realized in preparing to serve a mission and in going through the temple is that the Gospel is all in God’s way and when we choose to align ourselves with His will, It’s becomes easier to follow and understand why things are the way things are. We may never understand in this life why God wants things to be the way they are, but if we have our trajectories pointed towards Christ and trust the Lord and His timing and trust that by living the Gospel we will be happy, we will find happiness is simply trying. That is what faith is all about. We have a recipe book on how to be eternally happy in this life and it’s up to us if we choose to follow it or not.

I have so much instantaneous love for the people of Eugene, Oregon. It makes so much sense to me that of all the places in the world, I got called to Oregon-- one of the most liberal states there is. I’m sure they’re going to have questions about the Proclamation of the Family but I’m so honored to testify of that very proclamation that left me feeling once so uneasy. I’m 19 years old; I don’t know how I’m going to exactly proselyte for eternal families when I’m not even sealed to my own family, but I have a testimony of this Gospel and of a loving, understanding father in Heaven and I have faith that that will speak for itself.

Do I think that families can be together forever and that the sealing powers of this Gospel are infinitely real and true? Absolutely. But do I translate that to mean that I still can’t be with my loved ones in heaven just because I’m not sealed to them? Most of who are in this room? Not a chance. I have a hard time envisioning God, as anything but all knowing, understanding, and merciful. That said, grace doesn’t come alone or without works but because we are a covenant people and because of how hard yet possible it is to be that, that is all the more reason to bring others unto Christ and help them prepare to make those same covenants that we’ve made. I don’t think that if someone slams the door on a missionary and that was their one shot to hear the gospel that that is the end all be all. However, as Latter-Day saints and as missionaries, we should strive to give everyone more opportunities than that one chance to slam the door.

So before the person slams the door, here is my pitch: Families are messy and hard and imperfect but they can reminders of where we come from and where we are heading and that journey in and of itself is messy and hard and imperfect. The gospel of Jesus Christ can help strengthen families through the love of Christ. It is through the saving ordinances of this gospel that we can live perfectly together forever without having to have lived perfectly together as a family while here on earth.

I’m excited to share with my investigators my story and tell them that I’ve been in their shoes; I’ve walked that divide. How I got through it was through focusing on the things I did know. I tested my testimonies and then found them to be true. I found my testimony of the book of Mormon and scripture study, of the atonement, of fasting and tithing, prayer, and above all else, my testimony of Jesus Christ true.

 Through my experiences with my family, I have come to know Christ. I used to view Christ as the light at the end of the tunnel and that by serving a mission it would help guide me towards the end of that tunnel, but what I’ve found to be true even more so than I did before was that Christ was always with me. He was by my side throughout it all. He got me through that tunnel. And when we come unto Him, he’ll get us through any tunnel. This opportunity to have such a singular focus to preach that is nothing short of sacred.

The reason that I want to spend a short 18 months being a missionary for this church is because I know that this church is true—and that is something I have spent my whole youth trying to figure out. We all have different paths to take on our journey towards discipleship but I know that by living the gospel and being worthy to make those sacred covenants in the temple, that is how we can be our happiest selves and most importantly, return to heaven with ease—which is what this life is all about!

Elder Holland once reminded me that quote, “we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight—a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless.” Close quote. Life will be a fight at times, but it’s a winning fight! With an eternal perspective in mind, we should feel honored to be a part of the fight on our journey towards discipleship. Having gratitude and love in our hearts is the only way we can get through trials of life when we don’t understand why we’re going through them. It was not easy for Christ so why should it be easy for us? Christ did His part and we have to do ours. For me, I feel that serving a mission is one way I can do my part even if that means sometimes my mission is going to be hard and going to be a fight.

The principle of fighting for what we want is what I’m most excited to teach while I’m a missionary—fighting for our testimonies to know if the church is true and if the Priesthood has been restored on this earth, fighting to kneel in prayer when it feels like the last thing we have energy for, fighting to love our family when they’re not loving us unconditionally back, fighting to have faith in this Gospel.

I cannot fully express how grateful I am for the opportunity I have to serve in the Oregon, Eugene mission. If I’m going to go on a mission, I’m going to do it with all my heart. And if the people I’ll teach take anything away from our conversations, I want them to know that there is a Christ and that He is very much real because He lives; that because of His atoning sacrifice we can be whole again. He is the reason we spend a minimum of three hours at church every Sunday, He is the reason it’s even possible for us to be here, and He’s the reason I’m going on a mission.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Growing up in a Same-Sex Family & Being Mormon: How I Reconciled the Two

Per request of people who are intrigued about my membership with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the fact that I was raised by a same-sex couple, I thought after all these years it was finally appropriate for me to voice my opinion on the subject.

2 weeks ago my moms tied the knot after 15 years of living in companionship with one another. The wedding caused me to reflect on love, families, and especially God's role in everything we do since, after all, the church emphasizes that God really is in all things. 

Growing up, I attended church by myself and constantly faced a moral dilemma of whether or not it was inconsiderate for me to be attending a church that wasn't supportive of the lifestyle my parents were living. But the feelings, comfort, teachings, and insight (among others things) I received from attending church every Sunday were something I could just simply not give up. Sitting in Sunday school reading the Proclamation of the Family--which details the marriage between a man and woman--left me feeling angered, confused, and above all different. I found myself sitting next to families in my congregation that were seemingly all the same because they were a 'traditional' family. Consequently, my mothers felt uncomfortable and, I'm sure, confused about my pursuit of the church, just as much as I was. Their emotions on the topic, coupled with my whirlwind of thoughts on everything, created tension and a difference of understanding between us all.

Because the church's teachings center around the family, I felt I lacked the very fundamental testimony of the Gospel. Despite the fact that I had gained 50,000 other testimonies of the Gospel to stand for, lacking that key testimony of families left me feeling incomplete and unsatisfied. Since then though, I have realized that there is no immediate rush to figure out the answers. There is no reason to agonize over whether or not my family will live together forever because in doing so, it takes away from the time we have living together, now. I have learned that in focusing on what leaves me incomplete and unsatisfied, I lose focus on what does make me feel complete and satisfied. Close friends and mentors inside and outside the church have helped me to embrace my support for my mothers as well as my identity as a Mormon--neither of which I need to feel apologetic for!

There are lots of things in life that sometimes we need to simply put on the shelf and worry about later--if not at all.  As I prepare to become a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I'm not naive in knowing that I will have to proselytize for all teachings of the church. To proselytize for the very Proclamation that left me feeling once so uneasy. That said, I'm also not naive or unprepared to share my own testimony of the church. Sharing my testimony of the very notion of putting something we don't understand right this second on the shelf. I want the people who will hear what I have to say find the conviction within themselves (if they so desire) to seek after those 50,000 or so testimonies they've gained instead of focusing on that one controversial testimony that's looming over them because for me, those '50,000' other testimonies are something I just simply can not give up.

Here I am with both my mommas on their wedding day!