Monday, June 22, 2015

Growing up in a Same-Sex Family & Being Mormon: How I Reconciled the Two

Per request of people who are intrigued about my membership with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the fact that I was raised by a same-sex couple, I thought after all these years it was finally appropriate for me to voice my opinion on the subject.

2 weeks ago my moms tied the knot after 15 years of living in companionship with one another. The wedding caused me to reflect on love, families, and especially God's role in everything we do since, after all, the church emphasizes that God really is in all things. 

Growing up, I attended church by myself and constantly faced a moral dilemma of whether or not it was inconsiderate for me to be attending a church that wasn't supportive of the lifestyle my parents were living. But the feelings, comfort, teachings, and insight (among others things) I received from attending church every Sunday were something I could just simply not give up. Sitting in Sunday school reading the Proclamation of the Family--which details the marriage between a man and woman--left me feeling angered, confused, and above all different. I found myself sitting next to families in my congregation that were seemingly all the same because they were a 'traditional' family. Consequently, my mothers felt uncomfortable and, I'm sure, confused about my pursuit of the church, just as much as I was. Their emotions on the topic, coupled with my whirlwind of thoughts on everything, created tension and a difference of understanding between us all.

Because the church's teachings center around the family, I felt I lacked the very fundamental testimony of the Gospel. Despite the fact that I had gained 50,000 other testimonies of the Gospel to stand for, lacking that key testimony of families left me feeling incomplete and unsatisfied. Since then though, I have realized that there is no immediate rush to figure out the answers. There is no reason to agonize over whether or not my family will live together forever because in doing so, it takes away from the time we have living together, now. I have learned that in focusing on what leaves me incomplete and unsatisfied, I lose focus on what does make me feel complete and satisfied. Close friends and mentors inside and outside the church have helped me to embrace my support for my mothers as well as my identity as a Mormon--neither of which I need to feel apologetic for!

There are lots of things in life that sometimes we need to simply put on the shelf and worry about later--if not at all.  As I prepare to become a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I'm not naive in knowing that I will have to proselytize for all teachings of the church. To proselytize for the very Proclamation that left me feeling once so uneasy. That said, I'm also not naive or unprepared to share my own testimony of the church. Sharing my testimony of the very notion of putting something we don't understand right this second on the shelf. I want the people who will hear what I have to say find the conviction within themselves (if they so desire) to seek after those 50,000 or so testimonies they've gained instead of focusing on that one controversial testimony that's looming over them because for me, those '50,000' other testimonies are something I just simply can not give up.

Here I am with both my mommas on their wedding day!




15 comments:

  1. I am your Grandma Jill's neighbor, Melinda. I lvoed what you said and feel so much like you. I have two gay sons. ONe of them just got married and we supported whole heartedly. I'm not going to let the one thing get in the way of the other 50,000 good things on the gospel. Good luck on your mission...you will have great insight to share with so many.

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  2. Thanks for being brave enough to share. I loved your insights, and have found this same peace when faced with my own questions. It's ok not to have all the answers. Best wishes to you as a missionary!

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  3. How marvelous to be related to such a thoughtful, loving woman. Here's hoping your missionary work is the adventure of a lifetime!

    My wife and I, still newlyweds ourselves, send our warmest congratulations to your two mamas.

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  4. This is so stupid. How could you betray your moms like that? As a lesbian, I'm disgusted.

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    1. Sounds like the LDS church isn't the only one being bigoted. Isn't shaming others beliefs because it contradicts your own, what you're trying to avoid? Your message seems to be counter productive to each sides willingness to understand the other.

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  5. You are wise. Have a wonderful mission and don't let cowards and ignorant people (who can't even put their name on comments) rob you of a minute of peace or joy.

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  6. Chiming in to say- I would be crushed if this happened to me. I came out and had to leave the church in the same four year period in my early twenties. The homophobic rhetoric tore me to pieces. The church does not support same-sex families. I would be devastated if my child did this. Go ahead an pretend like your parents are fine with it but deep down this is the ultimate betrayal. And it's sad because everyone knows that but you.

    Nikki Christensen
    Salt Lake City, UT

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    1. I am very sorry that your experiences pained you. I couldn't have imagined the difficult feelings you must have felt, but I assure you that the gospel of Jesus Christ is about charity, and I hope that you forgive those that have hurt you, and understand our differences as a learning opportunity for both sides.

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  7. Thank you for posting this! It gives hope to people like my sister who is a lesbian RM, with a strong testimony of the gospel, who desires to raise her children in the Church, even if it means being the only same-sex couple in her ward. You don't have to sacrifice your faith or your family. The Church may not have a place for your mamas yet, but the Lord definitely does! He loves you and your family and I truly believe that things will work themselves out in the eternities. Leave the details of that to Him and serve a wonderful mission sharing the love that He's blessed you with! <3

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  8. You are not alone. Remember to embrace the things you know to be true. All those 50,000 testimonies can sustain you. One day, all will be made known and the many of us who have questions about different aspects of the Gospel will have our answers. Until then, "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith". God loves ALL of his children and I have know doubt that your experiences will help bring many to the knowledge of our Savior and his plan. Best of luck.

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  9. Simply beautiful! May your mission experiences be awesome for everyone. One thing to think about...the proclamation wasn't canonized. It is a lovely document, but It isn't scripture. The lyrics to the song "I Will Be Valiant" come to my mind..."The Lord needs valiant servants, to do his work in the latter-days. Who follow the teachings of Jesus, and serve his people in a loving way..." Jesus taught us, by perfect example, how to love and serve one another. The Lord's army is going to be very blessed to have you as a servant!

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  10. Beautiful story. I admire your strength for being willing to serve. I have a daughter who is a lesbian and she supports me completely in continuing to be active in the church. I fully believe that I can do more good to create change from the inside than the outside. I believe it is the same for you. How wonderful for those you teach on your mission to see and hear your side of the gospel. To be able to share with them what our Savior truly wants all of us to do is be Loving and non-judgmental. No one can teach that better than you. Dont listen to those who tell you that you are being selfish and hurting your moms by going...instead think about how much good you can share by helping others to Love ALL!

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  11. As the wife of a gay man who has found balance, for the most part, as a gay man and as a Mormon, I think your attitude is wonderful! We don't have all the answers in this life. We too have 50,000 or so testimonies of the gospel and have very much felt like you, the other questions don't need to be answered right now, they can be put on the shelf. What a wonderful missionary you will make, in part because you didn't come from a "seemingly all the same" family. Have a wonderful mission!

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  12. Okay, this post is so so cool. I served in southern California and the topic of proposition 8 and the church's rejection of same-sex couples came up all of the time and I never knew how to answer. I am glad that you shared this, it really humbled me and gave me a great perspective. And I don't know why people are commenting about betraying your moms... We believe in God and He is love. We believe in loving everyone and being accepting of them. Most every Mormon has friends or family that is same-sex oriented. A true Mormon is loving accepting. But anyways, thanks for sharing your message. Enjoy being a missionary. It is such a euphorical experience.

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  13. It makes me so happy to hear about your upcoming mission for two reasons

    1. I'm in a same-sex marriage trying to teach my kids to have faith in the (granted, sometimes confusing) Gospel--I'd love for them to choose missionary service like you have.

    2. I love knowing there are missionaries like you serving out there. You may not completely understand the gay issue (who does!?), but you have a heart full of compassion. I hope God will use you to reach out to some of His marginalized people. The Gospel is beautiful and its teachings can benefit even those who can't be baptized due to a same-sex relationship. I hope you will continue to teach those people even when it becomes obvious they can't leave their relationship to be baptized.

    Best of luck to you! You're an impressive girl!

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